Supermom

"I don't know how you do it all."

I hear that phrase often; and while I appreciate the sentiments; I feel I need to be honest. 

I don't do it all. 

Currently these are the hats I wear: wife to Paul, stay at home mom to Grace (3) and Avarey (7 months), full time student with a dual major, daughter, cousin, friend, church member, and Cassey. Here's the thing, I love every single one of those hats, and I don't feel I would be complete without any of them. So I do my best, but I certainly don't do it all. Here is a realistic snapshot of my life:

1) My house is a disaster. I mean laundry mountain, toys everywhere, two months worth of mail scattered about, please don't look at my floors...or my shelves...or my pantry. My microwave and toilets are just begging to be scrubbed, but they are competing with the never ending line of dishes, trash and general day-to-day clutter.

2) I tell my kids constantly that I can't play, read, dance etc because I have to finish my homework. I spend 10 hours a week at campus, 3-4 hours meeting with my learning teams, and another 12+ hours on homework. I love learning, finishing school is an important goal, my degree will help my family, but honestly it feels like these next two years are going to take forever.

3) My relationships are suffering. If I haven't called you, seen you or remembered your birthday, please accept my most sincere apology. I have neglected friends and family, I have flaked on play dates, outings and meals. Believe me when I say that I would love nothing more than to catch up with each one of you over coffee or a meal. In fact, I would love to have you over to my house so I can host you and remind you how special you are to me. Sadly though, please see points 1 & 2.

4) I am a complete space cadet and forgetful Frieda. I rely on apps on my phone to remind me to pay bills, finish assignments, pick up the mail, give the girls baths, eat and spend time with my husband.

That's a small sample of the chaos in my life. But here is the good news. My house is ok. We can live here, and it's getting better. Paul is an amazing help and Grace is learning to take care of her things too. The house will get clean...someday.

I do make time to spend with my family. I recently prioritized my health and family. I need to take care of my body and my family - or I won't have anything to work with to accomplish my other goals.

I got my first B. I have been working my butt off and maintaining a 4.0- which is great, but completely unnecessary.  It's okay that I got a B. I worked hard, I learned the material but I am learning to balance my time and energy.

I'm trying to maintain my relationships. I care about you, all of you. And I hope that we can grab coffee, or better yet, that we can go sit in the shade while the kids play. I miss and crave adult conversation, but honestly I am too overwhelmed to ask for it. So please, call me, text me- I will make time.

So maybe it is possible that "I do it all." But maybe I am getting a B average. And that is something I am learning to be okay with.