My Second Challenge

I was supposed to write this post on Monday. My first challenge was to identify an area that I need to drastically improve. I spent time thinking about it, but not dedicated time. It crossed my mind but I just couldn't decide on what area of my life was the first to get a makeover. So I kept going about my business getting more and more frustrated that I hadn't written this blog post yet. 

Then irony hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I need a realistic, just whelming (as opposed to overwhelming), balanced and organized schedule for our daily life.

I am so disorganized with our time that I am finding a pattern where I start things with good intentions but without a dedicated and committed time to finish them they will never get done. I have been cutting myself some slack since we recently added a second child to the mix. But ultimately I know that when I feel like I know what my goals are daily, how I am structuring my time and what my priorities are, then I can relax more, I can feel success as I check off my list and I can give myself, my husband and my kids the attention they need.

So, I have talked to Paul and tonight we are sitting down, after the girls are in bed, to lay out a first draft of an average schedule for us. We are going to brainstorm and put in place ways for us to keep the schedule and make changes.

Challenge 1 - Identify a first area for improvement - Complete - albeit late, but it's done.
Challenge 2 - Create, organize and share master daily schedule with plan for how to handle changes - To be completed by Friday 01/17/2014

Oh and a special thanks to my best friend Sarah for holding me accountable. She lovingly called me out that I was failing my first challenge. That's obviously exactly what I need and that's why I'm sharing this with all of you!

For those of you that emailed/commented or messaged me - have you set a first goal? Or at least identified an area that needs a drastic makeover?

Oh and this is how I feel when we are on a schedule...

New Year, Same Fear

I've never been the type to make New Year resolutions. The whole idea seemed like a waste of time. Because when I did it, I usually picked something superficial, easily measurable, and socially generic. That way when it didn't stick I could brush it off that it was just a silly resolution. And because on average only 8% of people actually succeed at their resolution, it wouldn't be shocking or even noticeable that I failed. Oddly enough in this whole scenario, the risk and likelihood of failure isn't my fear; my fear is the opposite. My fear is to be successful. 

Marianne Williamson says it best: 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

As an introvert and as someone who doesn't like to 'rock the boat' this quote sums up my greatest and deepest fears. In my mind, if I am powerful, confident and leaving an influence on others, than I am ultimately responsible that the influence I am leaving is one that is positive and for the greater good. That is the terrifying part - I am supposed to be doing this for the glory of God - I am representing His plan, His strength, His love and His power - that's a pretty big job. I could be scared that I wouldn't do this well, I could easily be discouraged by the enormity of the request being made of me. But my fear isn't that I would fail at this challenge, or that I would fall short of God's expectations of me. My fear is that I will blow them out of the water. 

Discipline, organization, education and execution of tasks are strengths of mine. But my greatest and deepest strength is my passion. When I am passionate about something, my whole being becomes enveloped in it. I combine my head knowledge with the compassion and enthusiasm of my heart and I attack with all I have. I think of all the ways my life could improve if I stop holding myself back and allowed success to be my only option instead of settling for 'doing okay.'  This comes with great power. The same great power Marianne was talking about. It is encouraging, it is motivating, it gets you fired up and ready to take on the world. I suppose that is why that quote is used so often. But like most New Year resolutions that quote is empty without action. 

Now is the time for action. 

Instead of resolutions this year I am opting for a plan. It is a change that I want deeply and desperately, I have no idea how to measure it and I am yet to hear of any groups or clubs forming for support and accountability. That is where you come in. You my family, my friends and strangers who happen to find some way to connect through my writings. 

Hold me accountable.  

I plan to take the things in my life that I want to change or improve one at a time and attacking them. I plan to blog my goal, break down my plan for success then share my victories. I will ask for support, help and encouragement along the way. I will be vulnerable in my struggles, my weakness and my fears. I will be raw, transparent and authentic. 

To start I am going to spend today reflecting and praying for my first goal. Tomorrow I will announce my first goal and begin attacking it. Here are some of the many 'resolutions' I considered making. 

More quality time with family

Eat better, lose weight

Go on a mission trip

Finish 6 non-school books

Mentor someone financially, personally and spiritually

Write more

This is your official invitation to join me. This is our opportunity to create success. What are your goals? How do you see yourself being wildly successful and powerful? How can you liberate yourself and others?

 

Somebody Tell Them

My assignment yesterday was to share a song from the soundtrack of my life with my fellow starters. I thought long and hard, scrolled through several playlists and finally just opened up Shazam to see what songs had spoken to me recently. The first song listed was by City Harbor and was titled "Somebody Tell Them."

I listened to it again, and as my eyes filled with tears I realized that the message of this song is what God is calling me to write about. I have struggled with understanding what kind of blog I have, but looking at previous posts, it's evident to me now what God is asking me to do. My personal experiences, reflections and most intimate questions and challenges need to be exposed to encourage others who are experiencing similar things, but in the dark. For most of my life I suppressed the truths of my life for fear of rejection, inadequacy and doubt of my own self-worth. Then when I wrote about my struggles and lingering questions, the most amazing thing happened: I felt free, I felt accepted and I felt valuable.

I have received many notes of encouragement to keep writing, to keep sharing and keep encouraging. These notes mean so much to me and I humbly accept them but want to clearly put it out there that every blog I write, I do so because I have felt prompted that someone out there is waiting for me to tell them that it's all going to be okay and that they are not alone.

Thank you so much for your support and feedback. I truly appreciate the opportunity to share and encourage those who don't have the courage to ask. At the end of the day we are all children of God, and we are loved more then we know how to understand or accept.

Have a wonderful day and maybe think of a way you can share encouragement with someone today!

What am I doing this for?

For months I have been desiring to blog more. I have hesitated and procrastinated because of fear. Fear of judgment, criticism, not having anything valuable to say and rejection. These fears are stupid, unfounded but unfortunately they have ruled my brain.

This month I began a 24 day challenge to start writing more, conquer my fears and figure out exactly what it is my hear is desiring to say. I am currently on day nine, and I will just say the first week was rough.

The first few days I was doing great, I was motivated, excited and confident. But then I was faced with the reality of my life. I am busy, I am pulled in multiple directions and quite honestly I have been using so much of my mental energy on school. I just got overwhelmed and tried to put it all on the back burner.

An environment change seemed to be just what I needed though to get back on track. For the last 4 days I have been a sponsor for our middle school youth group at their summer camp. I am here to encourage them, disciple them and support them. (Oh and make sure they are in bed on time lol) What is great about this week beyond the kids, is that I have a lot of free time each day in a beautiful God centered space. Needless to say this has given me a lot of time to reflect and ask God what exactly I am supposed to do with this blog.

So I am sitting and pondering the question, "what am I doing this for?" Why do I feel the desire to write? What am I trying to say? Where do I want this blog to go? How can I impact others and speak God's truths?

I don't have the answers, but I am at least glad to be asking the question. My next step is to evaluate each question and keep moving forward with my writing efforts.

What are some of the areas that fear holds you back? What are the questions or actions that you can use to move forward to conquer your fears?

No risk, no reward

A couple of weeks ago I was gathering books to share with our Financial Peace University class. While going through the bookshelves to pick them all out I became distracted and stuck. I had come across my very first diary. Using my best lock picking skills and a bobby pin I forced open the book and began reading.

The diary started the summer before 4th grade, right before I left for my first summer at camp. The book was filled with scribbled writings, poems, love letters, even some dried roses pressed between pages. It ends at the summer before middle school. (All 7th graders back then kept their journal in a black and white composition notebook of course) Most of the writings were daily accounts of the drama and excitement of my life. I was an active, social, and average preteen. What struck me though, is I had a habit of writing almost everyday.

I began to reflect on my lifelong hobby and my therapeutic use of writing. As long as I can remember I have kept a journal. Writing my thoughts down allows me to organize them and have a better chance at understanding them. But it's always my secret place.

Over the last year, however, I have begun to share my stories and thoughts. I have found that by putting my questions, realizations and personal experiences in a blog that not only am I freeing myself of them but I have been able to touch others with my story. I recently shared my darkest memories and deepest wounds with the world. The relief I felt and the encouragement I received have fueled a desire for me to share more.

So that brings me to this post. A few weeks ago I was challenged by Jon Acuff to join him on an adventure. There were no details, no explanations - just the expectation that it would last 24 days and would be an experience to push me out of my comfort zone and into greatness. I accepted.

Now I know that my personal challenge for the next 24 days, starting tomorrow, is to let go of my fear and start sharing my blog postings more regularly. It's time to be vulnerable, honest, and true to myself. I hope you join me on this journey. Read my blog, provide constructive or positive feedback and be praying for me along the way. I appreciate all the support and encouragement and look forward to this opportunity for growth.