Her Best Christmas, and Mine too.

All season long she had told anyone, and everyone, very clearly, in great detail, and a small little voice that all she wanted for Christmas was the "Princess Klip Klop Stable." She was three years old, and was discovering the magic, the excitement, and the spirit of Christmas. That Christmas season my daughter, Grace, was becoming aware that there were many components to 'Christmas.' We spent time talking about all the traditions that have been held for generations, and some new ones that her dad and I started just for her. A visit with Santa, shopping, card making, and decorating the house and Christmas tree filled our days. We bustled to the homes of friends and family to decorate cookies and gingerbread houses, share meals, and exchange gifts. Advent, nativity scenes, Christmas Eve service, scriptures, and carols. Our days were busy and long, but joyous and full of memory making. 

In fact, I don't think even now, four years later, I ever fully realized the gift my daughter gave me that year. My all time, most favorite, single greatest Christmas memory came that year. Watch the video below to see what it is!

Christmas 2013

If you're unable to see the video, I'll tell you what I love about it. Gracie woke up Christmas morning and had realized that maybe, possibly, if everything we told her was true, that Santa would've come and left her gifts; maybe even the 'Princess Klip Klop Stable.' She sneaks around the couch and to her delight she finds exactly what she asked for! As she runs to the toy, she stops, stares at it, and becomes quiet. Then I hear a whimper, and another, and a sniffle. She's crying. She is so overcome with happiness, gratefulness, and what appears to be disbelief. It was the perfect moment. 

So as each year has passed I find myself watching that video. It makes me pause and smile, and laugh at her little voice. But this year was different, my reaction was different, I was different. This year that memory revealed to me a small glimpse of how our Heavenly Father might have felt when He sent down His Son, the greatest gift He had to offer. Our world knew they needed a savior, they had been promised a messiah, and while they expected God to do something; I don't think they were prepared for all that He did with a little baby. 

To be fair though; even after hearing the story of Jesus and the promise he shared with the world, as the Bible says it pretty clearly "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16 NIV) It took me some time and growing up to understand what God was offering. He was, and still is, offering a piece of himself. Offering all the things we need, and the deepest desires of our heart; all while accepting our flaws and mistakes, and loving us every step of the way. I needed to experience God, (and in my case experience Him over, and over, and over) to trust that the gift was actually right in front of me, when I didn't deserve it, I didn't earn it, and I couldn't afford it; but there it was. I imagine I felt like Gracie did on that Christmas morning, excited, overwhelmed, unexpected, and unworthy, but mostly marveling at the wonder of having the thing you desire most.

What took me four years to learn though, is how the parent giving the gift must feel. That Christmas morning I watched the person I loved more than I could comprehend, experience one of the greatest joys she had ever known. I was responsible for her, and while often it was a challenge to navigate her needs and best interests; there was no greater joy for me than to see her learn, love, and thrive. The scriptures tell us how God identifies with and experiences the same responsibility, hopes, and unconditional love for us. Christmas started with a baby, born in a manger; no extravagance, no fanfare. Those that knew the baby born that night though, knew it was the greatest gift of all, no matter that they too were unworthy, unprepared, and overcome with how that gift would change the world. 

"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son." 

(John 1:5-11 NIV)

Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

The Word of the Year

80% of New Years resolutions will be failed by February according to Business Insider. I don't think anyone who has ever made a New Years resolution will be shocked or surprised by that statistic. Of course different reasons attribute to the failure; commonly unrealistic resolutions to begin with, or not setting goals to breakdown and achieve the resolution. Accountability, procrastination, and life change can also play a role in the failure, as well as a myriad of other reasons. I have fallen into the "failure" category for many resolutions in my lifetime.

So a few years ago I decided to quit making resolutions all together. Instead I questioned and considered why we make New Years resolutions to begin with. During my time spent pondering, mulling over, and of course searching the Internet, I realized it's all because we have a natural desire and need to be improving ourselves. (So did many, many, other people - try googling the questions and you will likely find a plethora of commonalities.) In the end, the article that resonated with me and seemed to answer my need for understanding, and a solution to follow, was a blog/idea/practice called "My One Word." While exploring their concept, this image and statement caught my attention:

Pick Your Word

 

 

 

 

Pick one word. Just one word? Nothing crazy, just one word. Don't set expectations on it, except to focus on it for the entire year. That seemed like something I could stick with, or at least attempt.

So I began the tradition of picking a word each year. And the best part is, it doesn't even have to be done on January 1st! The point is that I was being intentional about improving an area of my life, and in my case, I was inviting God to work with me and through me on that area. Last year, 2016, I picked the word 'Relationships.' It seemed like a pretty large, general area of my life and I had no clue where or how I would begin to approach it. But the word came to me, I couldn't think of another word at the time that struck me as much, so I went with it.

Over that year I would focus on relationships that were present in my life, then those that were no longer. Exploring what I valued and cherished in each, identifying and acknowledging what I could be doing better in each, and then doing it. I held close friendships and made more time to just hang out and spend intentional time with my friends. This was easier than I expected, since most of my friends were happy to spend time together with my kids, or for adult time after they went to bed. I reached out to family and improved boundaries and buried the past in some cases, to move forward. My husband and I went to a summer series of marriage counseling. We learned new ways to communicate, to date each other, and even how to fight better. (Trust me, it's a good thing!) I purposefully and sincerely invested in each of my three daughters individually. Some relationships improved a ton, deepened further than I could have imagined. Some reemerged from the past, and some faded away. By the end of the year it had become just a part of my thought process and heart to be continually praying over my relationships and the people in my life.

I "finished" my relationship challenge a few months ago. But unlike a diet or cleanse that lasts a determined amount of time; I am still present and engaged in relationship building. Only now, I feel ready and prepared to take on a new word.

So in December of last year, about six months ago, I felt the word discipline on my heart. I prayed about it; I talked to my husband about it; and I realized that God was calling me to allow Him to work on me and through me using a focus on discipline. Mulling that idea over, I wasn't thrilled. Relationships were fun to work on, ha! Discipline sounded hard, and like it involved sacrifice and doing things I don't want to. But it was my word, so I was going to do it.

Over the last six months I have been testing the waters on what God had in mind that I may need to be more disciplined about. I look forward to sharing with you my experiences; because resurrecting my blog is one of the ways I want to be more disciplined, and because sharing with an audience can promote accountability, support, questions and challenges. So while I start sharing my journey of learning to be more obedient; consider what your resolutions are/were, or maybe pick a word for yourself. And if you really want to join me, leave your word or resolution in the comments.

XoXo
C