"Framily"

Six years ago I sat in premarital counseling with Paul and was issued a difficult assignment. 

Create a family tree. 

What??? A family tree? I needed a forest. How did I decide what family to include? Sure, I start with my nuclear family - Mom, Dad, Siblings, Grandparents - that's a good place to start right? Well crap. I don't talk to my mom, between my 3 siblings, we have 3 different moms, I have six grandparents, but I don't know much about 4 of them. Ah my head is already spinning. 

Okay, let's just focus on the "family" that's involved in my everyday life. Not necessarily blood relation, but the people I "do life" with. Okay so that includes my grandparents, they raised me, their friends that have been around the last 40 years and their kids and grand-kids. So now my "tree" was filled with people I lovingly called "aunt" or "cousin." I was good with it, I mean that's who I treated as family, but it still made no sense in tree form. 

This is just the tip of the iceberg. And this is why I failed that assignment. Not only could I not create a family tree, I couldn't define what family was to me or what the criteria for being "family" was. It was all too complicated.

So I didn't. I just didn't label it, I didn't define it and I sure as heck didn't over complicate it. I just continued to "do life" with the people I love. 

"Framily."

This morning my grandmother used the word "Framily." and it really got me thinking. At first I thought it was the perfect way to describe how complicated my family tree was; beyond our traditional family branches, were extended family branches, and then the friends-turned-family branches. 

This is how I will describe it going forward. Framily are the people that may or may not be related to me - but they are relate-able to me. We may not share ancestors or blood type; but we share joys, sorrows and life. It's not about where we come from as much as where we can go together. 

I can draw a family tree today. It would be a beautiful portrait of the people who are involved in my life. The people who support me, encourage me, influence me and love me. These people love my husband and my kids. The same way my grandmother's friends adopted me as "niece" my best friend has adopted my girls as her nieces. It's about love.

"We are all a little weird, and life's a little weird. And when we find someone who's weirdness is compatible with ours, we fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." 

Dr. Seuss

Schedule Attack

So I sat down last week with my phone, my computer, and several pieces of paper with scribbled notes on them. I was ready to compile a schedule. It took awhile, but I did it - I downloaded an excel template and I won - I filled in every box!! That's winning right? Here's a sample of what I started...

Looking at this schedule I realized it was mostly full, but still missing so many of the things I actually want time for. It proved what I already knew; there are not enough hours in the day. Feeling a bit frustrated and overwhelmed I sat down and started thinking about what I wanted a schedule to accomplish for me. Here's what I came up with:

• Organization of commitments 
• Management of household chores
• Dedicated quality family time
• Personal time to read, write, go to the gym etc
• Condense and make shopping trips more efficient
• Meal Planning

I scoured the web, Pinterest, excel templates and blogs. I found a week at a glance template that I like really well so far. I like that I can print it, draw all over it and post it in the kitchen to review constantly. I can loosely break down and organize my household chores for the week. There isn't room for great detail, but I think I like that. I like that this sheet will literally give me a snapshot at a glance. Here's my first draft:

I think this will work well for the general idea of what is going on day to day. However, it will not provide a detailed calendar or task list. I went back to my research. After downloading a few different schedule apps, I decided to try Cozi. It works with iPhone, Android and has a web platform. One family has a shared account and the calendars can be downloaded into existing apps - like Google calendar. It also has options for meal planning, recipe look up and storage, multiple shopping lists by store, to do lists, a journal and a birthday tracker. It does have a cost of $29.99 a year but I signed up for the 14 day free trial to see how it goes. If it lives up to what I've seen tonight then I will definitely be signing up. I like it best on the web platform, especially for inputting a weeks worth of information. But the phone app is well done and I like that Paul can easily access everything too. Here's what it looks like on my phone. 

Calendar View

Store Specific Shopping List

I'm sure my new system isn't perfect; in fact it's still just a first draft. But I do feel better already that I am able to get a better grasp on my time. Ultimately, now I can make sure I am using my time to accomplish the things that are most important to me first. Then maybe if I am using my time a little more efficiently then I can squeeze a little more out of the measly 24 hours in a day. 

Do you have any schedule tips? Great resources?

My Second Challenge

I was supposed to write this post on Monday. My first challenge was to identify an area that I need to drastically improve. I spent time thinking about it, but not dedicated time. It crossed my mind but I just couldn't decide on what area of my life was the first to get a makeover. So I kept going about my business getting more and more frustrated that I hadn't written this blog post yet. 

Then irony hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I need a realistic, just whelming (as opposed to overwhelming), balanced and organized schedule for our daily life.

I am so disorganized with our time that I am finding a pattern where I start things with good intentions but without a dedicated and committed time to finish them they will never get done. I have been cutting myself some slack since we recently added a second child to the mix. But ultimately I know that when I feel like I know what my goals are daily, how I am structuring my time and what my priorities are, then I can relax more, I can feel success as I check off my list and I can give myself, my husband and my kids the attention they need.

So, I have talked to Paul and tonight we are sitting down, after the girls are in bed, to lay out a first draft of an average schedule for us. We are going to brainstorm and put in place ways for us to keep the schedule and make changes.

Challenge 1 - Identify a first area for improvement - Complete - albeit late, but it's done.
Challenge 2 - Create, organize and share master daily schedule with plan for how to handle changes - To be completed by Friday 01/17/2014

Oh and a special thanks to my best friend Sarah for holding me accountable. She lovingly called me out that I was failing my first challenge. That's obviously exactly what I need and that's why I'm sharing this with all of you!

For those of you that emailed/commented or messaged me - have you set a first goal? Or at least identified an area that needs a drastic makeover?

Oh and this is how I feel when we are on a schedule...

New Year, Same Fear

I've never been the type to make New Year resolutions. The whole idea seemed like a waste of time. Because when I did it, I usually picked something superficial, easily measurable, and socially generic. That way when it didn't stick I could brush it off that it was just a silly resolution. And because on average only 8% of people actually succeed at their resolution, it wouldn't be shocking or even noticeable that I failed. Oddly enough in this whole scenario, the risk and likelihood of failure isn't my fear; my fear is the opposite. My fear is to be successful. 

Marianne Williamson says it best: 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

As an introvert and as someone who doesn't like to 'rock the boat' this quote sums up my greatest and deepest fears. In my mind, if I am powerful, confident and leaving an influence on others, than I am ultimately responsible that the influence I am leaving is one that is positive and for the greater good. That is the terrifying part - I am supposed to be doing this for the glory of God - I am representing His plan, His strength, His love and His power - that's a pretty big job. I could be scared that I wouldn't do this well, I could easily be discouraged by the enormity of the request being made of me. But my fear isn't that I would fail at this challenge, or that I would fall short of God's expectations of me. My fear is that I will blow them out of the water. 

Discipline, organization, education and execution of tasks are strengths of mine. But my greatest and deepest strength is my passion. When I am passionate about something, my whole being becomes enveloped in it. I combine my head knowledge with the compassion and enthusiasm of my heart and I attack with all I have. I think of all the ways my life could improve if I stop holding myself back and allowed success to be my only option instead of settling for 'doing okay.'  This comes with great power. The same great power Marianne was talking about. It is encouraging, it is motivating, it gets you fired up and ready to take on the world. I suppose that is why that quote is used so often. But like most New Year resolutions that quote is empty without action. 

Now is the time for action. 

Instead of resolutions this year I am opting for a plan. It is a change that I want deeply and desperately, I have no idea how to measure it and I am yet to hear of any groups or clubs forming for support and accountability. That is where you come in. You my family, my friends and strangers who happen to find some way to connect through my writings. 

Hold me accountable.  

I plan to take the things in my life that I want to change or improve one at a time and attacking them. I plan to blog my goal, break down my plan for success then share my victories. I will ask for support, help and encouragement along the way. I will be vulnerable in my struggles, my weakness and my fears. I will be raw, transparent and authentic. 

To start I am going to spend today reflecting and praying for my first goal. Tomorrow I will announce my first goal and begin attacking it. Here are some of the many 'resolutions' I considered making. 

More quality time with family

Eat better, lose weight

Go on a mission trip

Finish 6 non-school books

Mentor someone financially, personally and spiritually

Write more

This is your official invitation to join me. This is our opportunity to create success. What are your goals? How do you see yourself being wildly successful and powerful? How can you liberate yourself and others?

 

My Angel of Comfort and Courage

When I was pregnant with my first and went into labor at 26 weeks to say I was terrified is an understatement.  I was frozen, I was lost but somehow I managed to pull it together and began fighting for both my daughter and my lives.  I am incredibly grateful and blessed that 3 years later, Grace is the picture of a healthy,  happy and flourishing child.

There were many times though that I questioned if I would ever see her take her first breath. I wondered if she did survive, if she would be healthy, if she would develop properly, if she would be able to have a "normal" life. And being on bedrest I had plenty of time to go through every possible scenario in my head. Worry, anxiety, frustration and depression loomed over my head constantly and heavily. And as the complications piled up, the pain and discomfort intensified and the risks began to increase. I was feeling disconnected and bracing myself for the worst. I didnt know how or where I would find the courage and strength to make it through my pregnancy without a nervous breakdown.

Cue my angel.

One night in the hospital I was trying to sleep and rest in hopes that the contractions would stop; I had a dream that would change not only my attitude but my faith. In my dream I went into my daughters room in the middle of the night in a panic, my heart heavy just knowing something was wrong. I felt out of control and scared. When I finally opened the door I stopped in my tracks and instantly felt peace. I was looking at my daughter, tucked in bed, sweetly smiling and perfectly content, kneeling next to her was my sister-in-law Tish. With a quick glance, an all knowing smile and slight eyeroll Tish told me to "go back to bed and rest, we're doing fine."

I woke up feeling a rush of comfort, peace and excitement. My daughter was perfect, she was healthy and while she was physically growing in my stomach, she was being spiritually grown and protected by her Aunt and her Heavenly Father. I still smile and fight a tear when I think of that moment. In some of my darkest hours God showed His mercy and love to me. He showed His power and His promise.  He reminded me I was not fighting alone.

Our daughter was born after 10 weeks on bedrest. She was perfect.  We named her Grace Tish, it means "Mercy or Blessing of Joy and Delight." There could not be a more fitting name for her.

I was brought to these memories tonight as I am awake, pregnant, on bedrest and facing more complications.  I'm trying to stay positive, I'm relying on the comfort and faith I have that this baby is a purposeful gift from God. But I will be honest, I'm still scared, I'm still worried and I am anxious to see my child and know that he/she is okay. It can still be overwhelming at times. But God knows when I need my angel.

I woke up sick, and made my way to the couch with a cup of tea. Feeling physically miserable, and mentally defeated  my mind started to wander to places that do me no good. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw our family memory book to celebrate Tish, as I read the quotes she loved, and stared at the pictures of her sure and confident smile I began to feel comfort. The baby began kicking and I remembered who it is that is holding my baby right now. So if I couldn't get emotional enough, or in case God thought I needed one more reassurance, Grace walked out of her room at 4 am while I wrote this post. She slept on her arm wrong and needed me to rub it and give her a hug.

As I tucked her back in bed, knelt beside her and brushed the hair out of her face, I whispered "go to sleep and get some rest, we're doing fine."

Somebody Tell Them

My assignment yesterday was to share a song from the soundtrack of my life with my fellow starters. I thought long and hard, scrolled through several playlists and finally just opened up Shazam to see what songs had spoken to me recently. The first song listed was by City Harbor and was titled "Somebody Tell Them."

I listened to it again, and as my eyes filled with tears I realized that the message of this song is what God is calling me to write about. I have struggled with understanding what kind of blog I have, but looking at previous posts, it's evident to me now what God is asking me to do. My personal experiences, reflections and most intimate questions and challenges need to be exposed to encourage others who are experiencing similar things, but in the dark. For most of my life I suppressed the truths of my life for fear of rejection, inadequacy and doubt of my own self-worth. Then when I wrote about my struggles and lingering questions, the most amazing thing happened: I felt free, I felt accepted and I felt valuable.

I have received many notes of encouragement to keep writing, to keep sharing and keep encouraging. These notes mean so much to me and I humbly accept them but want to clearly put it out there that every blog I write, I do so because I have felt prompted that someone out there is waiting for me to tell them that it's all going to be okay and that they are not alone.

Thank you so much for your support and feedback. I truly appreciate the opportunity to share and encourage those who don't have the courage to ask. At the end of the day we are all children of God, and we are loved more then we know how to understand or accept.

Have a wonderful day and maybe think of a way you can share encouragement with someone today!

What am I doing this for?

For months I have been desiring to blog more. I have hesitated and procrastinated because of fear. Fear of judgment, criticism, not having anything valuable to say and rejection. These fears are stupid, unfounded but unfortunately they have ruled my brain.

This month I began a 24 day challenge to start writing more, conquer my fears and figure out exactly what it is my hear is desiring to say. I am currently on day nine, and I will just say the first week was rough.

The first few days I was doing great, I was motivated, excited and confident. But then I was faced with the reality of my life. I am busy, I am pulled in multiple directions and quite honestly I have been using so much of my mental energy on school. I just got overwhelmed and tried to put it all on the back burner.

An environment change seemed to be just what I needed though to get back on track. For the last 4 days I have been a sponsor for our middle school youth group at their summer camp. I am here to encourage them, disciple them and support them. (Oh and make sure they are in bed on time lol) What is great about this week beyond the kids, is that I have a lot of free time each day in a beautiful God centered space. Needless to say this has given me a lot of time to reflect and ask God what exactly I am supposed to do with this blog.

So I am sitting and pondering the question, "what am I doing this for?" Why do I feel the desire to write? What am I trying to say? Where do I want this blog to go? How can I impact others and speak God's truths?

I don't have the answers, but I am at least glad to be asking the question. My next step is to evaluate each question and keep moving forward with my writing efforts.

What are some of the areas that fear holds you back? What are the questions or actions that you can use to move forward to conquer your fears?