There's No Place Like Home

I cancelled all my plans this afternoon and evening when I realized Grace hasn't been home before her bedtime in over a week (half that time Paul & I were out of town.) She was cranky and clingy all day so I figured she needed some time at home with mommy. 

So we picked up a pizza and some hot wings and settled in just the two of us. Paul is working a lot of hours lately so while he couldn't be here, he made sure to call and have a goodnight conversation with Grace.

 I had to cut her off after four hot wings in fear of an upset stomach.

She was so happy to be home with her kitties, following our normal routine and even tucked herself into bed an hour early. I might regret that tomorrow morning!

It was a good reminder that while my daughter is very social and blessed to spend so much time with family and friends; there really is no place like home.

Grace's Birth Story - Part 1

Dear Gracie, 

You single handedly changed my life forever. I had no idea that the journey you and I would start together would affect and impact every single area of my life and introduce me to things I had never known. I am grateful for the experience and joy that comes with being your Mommy. I thank God everyday that He chose me and your Daddy to receive you. 

But let's start at the beginning. 

When Daddy and I were married we knew we wanted children, there was never a question in our mind. However, our plan was that we would wait three to four years before we would start that journey. It made sense in our minds, we were just married, had bought a house that needed work, we were both in school and nothing in ourselves or our marriage was ready for a child. So it was logical and responsible to wait before having kids. 

They say though that "when we plan, God laughs." 

In December of 2009, I began to sense that you were becoming a part of our lives. I couldn't put my finger on it and I didn't understand it, but I began to believe I was pregnant. In my mind this was crazy, I was on birth control; I had been told because of medical issues that it would be difficult for me to have children. But my heart told me you were there. I kept these feelings to myself for awhile. I was scared, I was worried, and in a strange way I was hopeful. 

On the morning of December 31st, New Years Eve, I woke up early after having a vivd dream that I was pregnant with a little girl. I had to know. In my car I had a pregnancy test, so around 4:30 am I walked out and got it. I nervously and quietly snuck to the bathroom to find out. 

Seeing the positive test carried so many emotions and feelings. I burst into tears. I wasn't ready for this. We weren't ready for this. What was Paul going to say? Was he going to be angry? I had to tell him, so I went in and woke him up with the words, "I'm pregnant." Now any husband is going to be surprised, and to be awoken that way was probably not the best of ways to go about it. But, being the man that he is, your Daddy hugged me and just started assuring me that everything was going to be fine. That this was great news! I loved him a little more that morning.

The day was a bit of a blur. I was trying to make a doctor appointment since I had no idea how far along I was, or what the next step was. We got in that day and had an ultrasound scheduled for the next week. 

The ultrasound was incredible. I was just under 8 weeks along and while the picture showed what appeared to be a jellybean, the heartbeat that we heard was strong. It moved both of us and we knew you were real. We started planning when we were going to tell everyone and we started to say it out loud ourselves. We were having a baby!

First ultrasound - January 6th 2010

The Pursuit

pur·suit/pərˈso͞ot/

Noun:

The action of following or pursuing someone or something

For 6 days I had the opportunity to join some of our middle school and high school youth at camp. While the idea of leaving Paul and Grace for such a long period of time was scary and uncomfortable, I had given it much thought and prayer and felt led to go.

The theme of the week was "Pursuit." While the we all worked our way through the book of Ephesians we explored not only how God is constantly pursuing us, but what His expectation is of us to pursue others by sharing the Gospel. A strong emphasis was placed on defining "Sunday Christians" and leading a 'double life.' The youth were challenged to examine their faith and evaluate both the relationships that they have with Christ and how those relationships are shared with the world that surrounds them.

The question was asked 'Are you going to church to buy something or give something?' I had to really think. Do I show up on Sunday ready to play the part or ready to be played, used, and challenged? What areas in my life could I improve in my efforts to share the Gospel and lead the kind of Christian life that Paul describes in Ephesians?

It was a great week for me to study, pray and meditate on what comes next for me. But it was also an opportunity to engage and share with our youth; they were so open and vulnerable about the world that they are facing. The opportunities they have for growth, and the challenges they accept for His glory. It was inspirational and humbling to be a witness to the Holy Spirit alive in every single one of them.

Now, it was camp so of course it wasn't all serious and 'preachy.' :) There was awesome, loud, worship, crazy messy games, random funny mealtime fellowship, a river float, hiking up treacherous hilltop, too much 'Call me maybe', Ga-Ga Ball, a birthday party, jam sesh in the field and lots of other fun ways to pass the time.

It was a long 6 days away from my family, and it was a sweet reunion. But it was a good reminder that in God's pursuit of me, sometimes it may call me away from the distractions and business of everyday life.

Photo courtesy of Samuel A.

Perspective

Perspective is something that I have come to appreciate as I have become older and more mature. It's a way that I can relate the situations and circumstances that define my life and be able to maintain a sense of understanding and peace. I've always been a 'glass half full' person and I give most of the credit to having a strong sense of perspective; "there's always something worse that could happen."

It was Water Wednesday today at the local park and with the temperature above 70 by 10 am I had decided to load up Grace and my niece Justin and head over for some fun and water play. Justin is 9 and rode her bike, and I got in a good workout pushing Grace in our jogging stroller. The walk is only about 15 minutes but we were ready to cool off when we got there! We played with friends, ate a picnic lunch and played some more. Once it became clear that it was nap time we headed home.

Along the way, as I maneuvered the stroller over railroad tracks my iphone must have hopped out of the cup holder. I didn't notice until a block later. Unfortunately, in this area my phone was a goner the second it was out of my sight. I was pretty bummed, there are a lot of great pictures and videos from the last week of Grace and Justin and I hadn't had a chance to back them up yet. I was also ticked off that someone instantly picked it up, disabled the GPS, and turned it off. Thanks to Apple however, Paul was able to remotely wipe the phone clean so all my personal information is gone. But now I need a new phone, the stuff was lost, I had to face reality that there are bad people with no integrity etc etc etc.

But again, I'm a glass half full kind of girl. And today, of all days, I am glad that it was my iphone that was stolen.

An hour earlier while at the park Grace was running around like a mad woman. My monster was all over the place! She darted from activity to activity like a kid in a candy shop. So at one point I was sitting with Jessica when all the little kids walked over to a sprinkler with Jessica's sister. Two minutes later I glanced over to check on them and Grace was no where to be seen.

Now any parent knows the feeling I felt. First, a little nervous but still assured that I would spot her any second. Then as the seconds went by (which felt like minutes) I became more concerned, and finally as the minutes went by (feeling like hours) I began to feel devastated. While I am searching every possible place in the area I am feeling as though my world is crashing around me. I am so instantly scared that my biggest fear has come true. I lost my daughter. I let her down, I can't account for her, protect her, comfort her or care for her.

I'm sure it was only a matter of minutes but Jessica found Grace. She had spotted a swing set across the entire park and had made a bee line. Once she got there and realized she was alone she got upset. So it must have been a relief to see her Aunt, but things were not okay until we were reunited. I don't think I have ever felt so many emotions as I held my crying child; rubbing her back, cooing to her, hugging her, and at the same time comforting myself.

The rest of the day I have been recovering. I've had to stop running through the what-if's because I don't think I could handle it. But the point is she is okay, I am okay, we are together. It is by the power and grace of God and it was His will that she was protected and returned to me. For that I am grateful in way that is unexplainable.

So I guess I have a new perspective, after a day like today, my glass is running over. I will praise Him for what He has done for me and tomorrow I will buy a new phone.

Family Fun Day

One of the things that I love most about Paul is that when something is important to him, he gives it his everything. This is especially true when it comes to our family, Paul works extremely hard to provide us with everything that we need and often things that we want. Unfortunately this also means that he works many hours, including working evenings and weekends when he can. So this limits the amount of quality family time we get together. 

Last Saturday Paul surprised Grace and I with a family fun day. He got us up, packed up, loaded in the car and on the road. We headed to Sherwood for 'Cruisin' Sherwood' for their annual classic car show. It was a great time just walking around and looking at cars. Grace enjoyed looking at the cars and people so much that she even stayed in her stroller most of the time! The car show was also paired with the Farmers Market so there was plenty to look at!

We spent almost 3 hours just enjoying each others company, the sunshine and the sights. It was a great time to connect and just be a family, and it was free! These are the moments that mean most to us, we may not get as much time together but we are making a conscious effort to savor every chance that we have.

"My no baby!"

Last night as I was getting Grace ready for bed she spoke words that first made my jaw drop and second made my heart sink; "My no baby!" My 21 month old is already telling me that she is no longer my baby and is now a "biii gill" (big girl) How is this happening? Wasn't it just last week that we were cooing over her first words? Or wasn't it last month we were hoping and praying that I would stay pregnant long enough to develop those tiny lungs? How is she now telling me that she's not a baby!

Everyone tells you that you need to 'cherish every moment' and 'they grow up so fast.' If only I could have truly understood what that meant before the first 21 months have already flown by! But you can't slow time, and you definitely can't go back. So I have learned to actively and intentionally 'cherish every moment.' Here's a few ways that I make sure that even as time is flying by, Grace and I are making memories and not regrets. 

• SHE is more important than my iPhone. Always. Calls, texts, emails, facebook - whatever. It all comes after her. I once read a friend say that if you tell your child to wait while you update your facebook - you are telling you child they are less important than facebook.
• We play. We play at home, we play at the park, we even play at the grocery store. Especially at the toddler age ANY activity can become a game - and let me tell you things are far less stressful when you are laughing at each other. 
• We learn. Same as with play - we learn everywhere. My child is a sponge and I am her greatest teacher. She is also my greatest imitator - so if I take the time to show and explain things to her I am not only teaching her the ways of the world, but I am teaching her that I value her growth and I choose to invest in her. 
• We worship, dance, and read. We use bible stories and songs to talk about what we do during our day and how we can do it in a way to please God. 
• I pray. I pray constantly for my daughter. I pray with her and for her. It absolutely melts my heart to hear her sweet little voice end our prayers with "Ahmeen"

Don't get me wrong, we have our fights, our standoffs, temper tantrums and bad days. But each day I try to choose joy - to make choices during the day that reflect how grateful I am for the gift of raising an amazing child who will always be 'my baby.'